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The Beginning of Codependent
Relationships
Codependency begins when an individual
goes against their own beliefs, desires and opinions in a
relationship to make someone else pleased, or lives
believing they need an outside person or substance to be
whole. It could be known as operating with a false self.
Most individuals, when they read this,
will be prompt to say, "I never do that." The motive behind
this is, as children, individuals are programmed to live
through others expectations (codependency). Such things as
putting them on a strict schedule and forcing them to eat
foods they don't like instead of presenting choices
essentially causes them to be codependent.
Pushing the sports or talents you desire
a child to have either because you did not have them, or
because you want your descendant to live the way you did,
also generates codependency in personalities and behaviors.
Individuals are so programmed by adulthood that they have
adopted a false self (codependent) and do not realize it.
Codependency has become real to them.
There is also a subconscious connection
to becoming codependent. When a parent who has been
mistreated or neglected in some way is reluctant to make the
effort to overcome codependency in their own life, they
convey the codependent personality and behaviors to their
children.
It takes a lot of work to start
codependency recovery and more work to see it through. As
you do, you and those around you, including your children
(if you have children) will be brought into more
consciousness and overcome their false self without as much
effort. Wholeness includes physical, mental, spiritual and
emotional. The four go together as part of your soul.
It Takes Two to Be Codependent
Codependent relationships begin when
family members take on addiction or codependent family roles
rather than communicate their feelings, wants or needs.
It should be quite easy to recognize when
a person has adopted a family role, because they do not know
how to convey anger in a healthy way. In some alcohol and
drug users anger is expressed at the rest of the family by
the addicted one. It can accelerate into domestic violence,
leaving the family in a victim role. The rebel is more prone
to let the anger out but it is in a negative way that
identifies him as a troublemaker. They do this to distract
from and enable the addicted one. These are all signs of
codependency.
When people start to find help for
codependency and overcome the codependent family roles, they
realize how much of their life has been stolen, and it often
leads to anger at the injustice of codependency. It can mean
not having childhoods, missing planned events and not being
allowed to talk since everything is 'secret'.
When this anger begins to surface it can
be a positive sign of recovery, since family members are
reclaiming their dignity and individuality, thereby breaking
the codependency cycle. This is the road to becoming whole.
How to properly communicate your
wants and needs.
Healthy Relationships vs.
Codependent Relationships
The family system is an organism whose
parts are interdependent, member's function as a system.
Codependent symptoms and behaviors often go ignored, until a
member makes an effort to get help for codependency
symptoms, behaviors and relationships. There are rules that
ultimately develop which members use to determine how they
should act and feel.
A system is made up of the component
parts that are connected together in a particular way to
achieve a common purpose. The sum of these parts frequently
creates either a healthy family or one with codependency.
Recovery Help:
Understanding patterns and predictable
ways families have for dealing with major problems.
Healthy Family System (no
codependency symptoms)
- Self worth is high.
- Communication is direct, clear, specific and
honest and feelings are expressed.
- Rules are human, flexible and appropriate to
change.
- It is natural to link and be open to society.
- Each person has goals and plans to get there,
and should be supported by the family.
Symptoms of Codependency in
Addicted or Codependent Families
- Dependent use of drug is the most important
thing in a family life.
- The root of problems for the whole is denial,
rather than addiction or use of a substance.
- Blaming others, making no mention of it,
covering up, alibis, and loyalty to family, enables.
- Nobody may openly discuss problems with others.
- Nobody says what they feel or think.
How to Help a Codependent Loved
One.
- Learn facts about chemical dependency and
codependency.
- Go to counseling or visit AA.
- Encourage your loved one to get involved in new
activities.
- Refrain from preaching and lecturing.
- Never approach with a holier than thou attitude.
- Don't make threats.
- Expect total recovery to take time.
- Keep from over protecting your loved one from
alcohol or drugs. The choice has to be theirs.
- Ensure honesty, stay away from being deceitful
or going behind your loved ones back.
- Let your loved one find their way to overcoming
the codependency.
Nurturing Communication Gives
Help for Codependency Symptoms
- Communication is direct and honest. Family
member both listen and talk.
- Self worth of each person should be recognized.
- Problems are faced. Family members work together
to solve their problems.
- Feelings are accepted and encouraged, both
negative and positive feelings.
Codependency in the Family, the
Rules
- Don't express feelings.
- Be strong, good, right be perfect.
- Make us proud.
- Don't be selfish.
- Don't rock the boat.
- Don't talk, or trust.
- Resist outsiders in the house.
- Keep family secrets.
- No personal privacy.
- Resistant to change.
Symptoms of Codependency
- Repression.
- Care taking.
- Low self esteem.
- Obsession.
- Denial controlling.
- Little communication.
- Weak or no boundaries.
- Anger.
- Sexual problems.
- Lack of affection.
Codependency Treatment
If you or someone you know would like to
talk with one of our trained staff to discuss treatment
options for Codependency treatment please
contact us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at our t oll free
number: 1-866-874-9774. You will receive a free
consultation. |
